How to be a Montessori Parent

Just like there is more to being a mother than conceiving and bearing a child, there is more to being a Montessori parent than sending your child to Montessori school.  Being a Montessori parent involves taking a real interest in what your children are doing in school, engaging in the school community and making Montessori a way of life outside of school.

I haven’t had any training but I think I understand some basic tenets of the Montessori method and it seems like the most natural way to learn in my mind - similar to the way a mother duck or horse teaches their young. They show the little ones what to do (the presentation), encourage them to try it on their own (the work) and then allow them to rely on their new skill (independence).

In our quest to be Montessori parents, my wife and I try to remind ourselves to observe a few key guidelines that are worth thinking about:

1. Let children play - resist the urge to over-organize free time and allow active play time. Play fosters imagination, creative problem solving and interpersonal skills when others are involved.

2. Dive into things they show interest in - like showing how a key actuates a deadbolt - allow time for questions and comprehension.  This is hands-on learning which always sinks in quickly but even more indelibly when they are asking for it.

3. Let them do it - try to wait a little longer than is comfortable before jumping in to help them when they are trying to do something such as tie their shoes, pronounce a new word or graph an equation.  There’s nothing better than the feeling of accomplishment to help children develop self confidence and independence.

4. Keep them by your side - don’t stick them in front of the TV or iPad when you need to get things done around the house.  This requires patience and it will take longer to get things done at first but children want to do what their parents do and they want to help. Eventually, this pays off when the “help” turns real and they are picking up life skills.

Of course, this all requires commitment and tremendous effort but it is as important as being a good mother or, maybe, it’s just part of being a good mother (or father).

-John (HMS Parent)

9 Tips for a Successful Start to School

Schools are opening for a new year. The teachers are ready, the students are excited, the parents happy, we are all in that “sweet spot” of the first days of school. Soon, ever so gradually, the questions will begin, solutions sought. Maintaining that “sweet spot” is important and to help keep it alive we offer here 9 essential tips for a successful beginning of school.

1. Get Enough Sleep. Our children are busy. Too busy. In children, lack of sleep has been linked to behavior problems and the inability to concentrate and perform well in school. We all understand the importance of quality sleep, but when asked, parents responses are often well below the National Sleep Foundation recommendations. The NSF recommends children ages 6-10 get 10 to 11 hours of sleep per night and that teens get about 9 hours.
    
2. Read your School’s Handbook. Really, read it. Everything you need to know on policies and procedures are contained within. Make it your bedtime reading. It may even help you sleep better at night!
    
3. Foster Trust. In yourself, the school you have chosen, your child’s teacher and your child. From the moment our children come into our lives we are beginning to let them go and trust their development. Do what you can to improve this trust: ask questions, observe, be a volunteer in the school, participate in your child’s learning.
    
4. Communicate. This goes hand in hand with building trust. Your teachers and administrators want to hear from you. They want to work with you for the benefit of your child. Agreeable solutions only happen when communication is open and flowing.
    
5. Gift of Time: For the  young child, the very act of slowing life down and giving him time to move at his own pace allows him to really experience and understand what he is doing. Creativity and new ideas spring from the opportunity to allow our older children time to daydream and process what is expected of them. It is also empowering for the child to set the pace of family life once in awhile. In order to support this, please turn off the screens and set aside time for this to happen.
    
6. Respect and Accept your Child’s Gifts and Limitations: Know who your child truly is, rather than who you wish him to be. And then, follow him to his points of interest. He will thank you for it. 
    
7. Allow Independence. Teach your child how to get himself out of bed, make his lunch, prepare for the next day. Work to avoid the “rescue”  when things are forgotten or left undone. Let him learn through his mistakes. They are the lessons most remembered.
    
8. Teach Your Child Organization: Are you working like crazy to keep everyone and everything organized? Take a moment to teach your child how to organize himself and the things he needs for school. Help him to learn that being responsible and prepared supports his confidence and feelings of well being.
    
9. Lighten Up! Current news reports tell us that EVERYTHING is important and immediate. Some things are. Many things are not.Take a deep breath in the moment, consider perspective, and consciously tell yourself that this too shall pass. Patience and humor go a long way in supporting our children.

Cautious? or Overprotected?

A headline in the Nashua Telegraph last fall proclaimed: “School Yard Game of Tag Banned.” This caught my attention! What was the harm in this playground game? The principal stated that “the game of tag seems innocent enough, however the force with which students tag varies greatly and this game, in particular, has been banned in many schools in the U.S. due primarily to concerns about injuries.”  This wasn’t the only headline like this in recent news. A school in Long Island banned balls from the playground this past fall, and you can read similar examples from other towns across America. Have these decisions gone too far? Some parents thought so.

Children's play has long been understood to have a key role in the development of their future life skills. Real play, when children are in charge, instinctively making hundreds of decisions as they assess and determine the levels of risk they want to take—physically, emotionally and socially—allow mastery, day by day, in an increasing repertoire of skills which add to their bank of experience.

What had changed so much since my own childhood of climbing to the top of the monkey bars and playing king of the hill? Modern fears and anxiety, in a world much safer than ever before, has led to a risk-adverse culture that can express itself in what some perceive as overbearing safety policies. What’s forgotten are the benefits of learning about and discovering risk. Fears of litigation increase tendencies to err on the side of caution, often creating standards that lack real play value.

Through play, children acquire confidence, but also an awareness of limits and boundaries. They learn, in short, how to be safe. For our children, we must remove the bubble wrap of overprotectiveness and grant them the opportunity to play in ways that challenge themselves.

So, to my own children, who have much loved the opportunity to climb trees, cross creeks, and climb as high as they are comfortable, I pledge to continue giving you the opportunity to challenge yourself, for it is only through your own experiences and choices that you will truly learn the skills for this game of life.

We want to hear from you! What do you think about playground risk?

Read the Atlantic Monthly article here: The Overprotected Kid

Kari