Looking on the Positive Side

Our brains are hardwired to look for problems and generate solutions. In The Neuroscience of Change, Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, explains how this brain state has been helpful for human evolution so we can improve our state of being. Looking for what’s wrong, however, often prevents us from seeing what is good in the present moment.

Because of our negative bias, we can easily become focused on what children need to do better: pick up their clothes, get ready faster, be quieter, solve math problems better, make less mess, and on and on. As a result, our children can easily be bombarded by what they are not doing right.

Clear Feedback & Encouragement

In Montessori environments, we focus on offering clear, accurate feedback and encouragement, which includes acknowledging children’s work and effort. We want children to develop an internal drive so they can be independent, responsible, thoughtful learners and community members. 

To support this development, our feedback and encouragement are focused on what is happening for children internally. We acknowledge what children might be feeling and the effort involved. Instead of the focus being on what the adult is feeling, we reflect upon children’s experiences. So rather than saying “I’m so proud of you,” we might say “You look very proud,” or “You worked so hard. Congratulations!”

Phrases of encouragement or positive feedback work best when backed up by evidence. For example, “I noticed how your friends looked relieved when you offered to help sweep up the spilled rice. They seemed to really appreciate your kindness.” Or “I saw how you looked frustrated and then how you took a deep breath. You showed a lot of self-control at that moment.”

State the Positive

Developmentally, young children need to hear requests or reminders framed positively. They need to know the expected behavior and they need us to state what we expected to see. If we say, “don’t hit,” young children cannot easily differentiate between the commands “hit” and “don’t hit.” The last word they hear is “hit,” so that is the image that lasts in their minds. Thus, statements like “don’t run” or “don’t hit” aren’t as effective for our young children. 

Rather than saying what not to do, we focus on the behavior we want to see. Statements like “walk, please,” “touch gently,” or “please talk quietly” offer a clear and positive image of what to do. Children hear how to be successful and thus can more easily be successful. 

Catch Them Doing Something Right

In addition to these clear directions, we can recast children’s self-image by acknowledging times they are making a good choice. In doing so we are providing our children with positive attention. All too often children get attention when they are engaged in behaviors we don’t like. Children then quickly learn that they need to act out in some way if they want attention. To counter this trend, we need to catch our children doing something right. 

Building a Foundation

If we are caught in a cycle of only seeing the negative, one way we can change our outlook is to make a list of all the things our children have done right over the course of a day. When we start noticing and acknowledging the good stuff, we help create a positive feedback loop. Young children also love hearing a story about their day that highlights the positive choices they have made. 

In Different Learners, Jane M. Healy, Ph.D., offers a strong reminder about the profound influence we have on our children: “One thing brain research tells us – loud and clear – is that the way we raise and teach our children not only helps shape their brains, but can also influence or even alter the way genes play out their roles.” 

In this season of new growth, let’s offer positive reminders and in-the-moment acknowledgments to help our young people develop successfully. By doing so we will also be helping ourselves see the world in a more positive light. 

We also encourage you to come to visit our school to hear how the adults and children in our community interact with each other in positive ways!

Pandemic Impacts and Optimal Child Development

We’ve enjoyed some return to normalcy after the intensity of the early COVID years. However, it’s important to remember that our young children are still living with some of the impacts of the changes we all experienced. One of the reasons the COVID years have affected our children is because so much critical development happens in the first few years of life. 

While home is an incredibly nurturing place, many of our children were limited to only being at home which led to fewer opportunities for socializing and learning different kinds of relationship skills. To further complicate the scene, many of us were also trying to juggle our own changes in work and life.

With all this in mind, we’ve been focusing on identifying some impacts of COVID and sharing strategies to support optimal development in our young children. 

Socializing with Peers

During the early COVID years, children didn’t have as much time to be around others, especially other children. Even when we could be with other people, we all needed to maintain a physical distance.

Yet children learn how to navigate social situations through play. Think of the rough and tumble romping of wolf puppies. It is through those interactions that the pups strengthen social bonds and learn how to navigate social status in the pack. Similarly, during interactive play, children learn to negotiate, share, wait for a turn, follow the rules of a game, and consider others’ feelings.

Our children now have an intense hunger for socialization while their socialization skills are still developing.

To support their social development, we can:

• provide plenty of opportunities for unstructured imaginative play with peers

• observe to see if children are hanging back or avoiding interactions

• offer gentle help for joining into play or suggest phrases children can use to ask to participate 

• recommend tasks they can do to help the group

• identify real-time emotions 

• model positive communication

Before intervening, though, it’s also important to give time and space for children to negotiate and problem-solve. Children learn best through opportunities to make some mistakes and, just like with the wolf pups, the learning might look a little messy at first!

Connecting to the Real World 

Many of our children have had a lot more screen time over the past few years. According to Carlota Nelson, director of the documentary Brain Matters, too much screen time can impact children’s concentration and focus, reduce their ability to control impulses, and affect their capacity for empathy.

Young children need lots of opportunities for concrete, tangible, hands-on play. They need to use their bodies and hands to manipulate the world around them. Plus, multi-sensory experiences help children develop strong neural pathways.

To help this real-world connection, we can:

• provide more time in nature and green spaces

• incorporate more movement, exercise, and free play into the day

• play board or card games with our children (or just play with them!)

• make sure to practice and model face-to-face interactions and eye contact 

• engage in healthy human touch

• reduce passive screen time  

As an added bonus, these pursuits also provide children with more opportunities to experience a language-rich environment. As we know, the amount and quality of language children experience have a direct correlation with the rate of their language development. Thus, they need plenty of experiences to develop their language skills through listening to and interacting with a variety of people around them.

Developing Independence

Being home more with our children led to lovely family time, however it also may have increased our children’s reliance upon our presence while decreasing their tolerance for uncomfortable situations. Yet as children grow, they need opportunities to develop independence. These experiences are immensely important for children to build a sense of self while also increasing their self-esteem, frustration tolerance, and perseverance. 

Rather than shield our children from challenging situations, we can make sure they have practice with experiences that can be a little anxiety-provoking. Anxiety is a normal human feeling and helps our bodies prepare us for something that might be hard. So our children can gain practice in how to regulate themselves, they need opportunities to be a bit out of their comfort zone. 

To develop our children’s confidence, we can:

• expose our children to experiences that can produce a little healthy anxiety

• create opportunities for children to talk and share their thoughts

• engage in warm, responsive conversation (with lots of listening!)

• experience and discuss stories or situations together    

• teach practical life skills for self-sufficiency 

• include our children in household chores

As children become more confident, they are better able to handle transitions, experience less anxiety, and become more flexible. If you need any more convincing, Psychology Today references a study showing that children who started contributing to family chores at age three or four were more likely to have successful relationships, engage in rewarding careers, and be more self-sufficient in their lives.

As we shift into more regular routines after the intensity of the pandemic, let’s use this time to bring out the best in our children.

“We then become witnesses to the development of the human soul; the emergence of the New [Human], who will no longer be the victim of events but, thanks to his clarity of vision, will become able to direct and to mold the future of [human]kind.”

– Dr. Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind

We welcome you to visit the school to see firsthand how we support our future leaders, the young children, as they develop their independence, strengthen their social bonds, and make lasting connections with the wonder of the world. 

What is the Montessori Three-Year Cycle?

When visiting a Montessori classroom, it can at first be surprising to see children of a range of ages in one room. Visitors often ask how children of very different sizes and abilities can all be supported and challenged in one classroom. There are many factors, but one reason the mix of ages works so well in Montessori is because we have “three-year cycles.”

What is a Montessori Three-Year Cycle?

In Montessori, children typically enter a classroom as the youngest children and then stay in the same learning community for at least three years. Over the course of those three or so years, they cycle through a rhythm of growth and development. 

When children first come into a new classroom it is a bit like what happens when transplanting a perennial flower: they need some time to establish their roots and initially don’t show a great deal of external growth. This first year in a classroom is when children are exploring their environment and making sense of their new community. 

During their second year, children are more established and, like perennial flowers, they often show more growth and blossom a bit more. This is when children are experimenting in a learning space where they feel comfortable and established. 

By their third year, children are the experts in their community. Similar to perennial flowers, children’s growth becomes exponential and abundant. They truly blossom. The children who have benefited from a three-year cycle show what happens when they have had an opportunity to establish their roots, extend themselves, and then have the time and space to bloom in exciting new ways.

Evolving Roles

Because children in Montessori classrooms are with each other for a series of years, their learning community becomes a family. As they move through the years together, children get the opportunity to play the role of the youngest, middle, and oldest child, and experience the responsibilities and opportunities that come with those roles. 

The younger children look up to their older peers, quickly learning through observation how to behave, what is acceptable, and even what to look forward to in terms of advanced work. The oldest in the class serve as mentors, leaders, and even teachers. As the older students master certain skills or materials, they have the opportunity to share what they have learned and in the process are able to synthesize their learning. Through this mutually beneficial process, children move through the process of developing aspiration, building confidence, and demonstrating mastery. 

Consistency of Community

By having a consistent community for at least three years, children are able to build a foundation that serves them in multiple ways. In addition to having time to gain mastery, children establish long-term relationships with their peers and the adults. 

With their training and sensitivity to developmental needs, Montessori teachers understand individual children’s learning styles, rhythms, and needs. They can tailor their presentations to the individual, recognizing where and how to help children stretch beyond their comfort zones. As a result, children are able to feel secure enough to take risks in their learning. 

One of the additional benefits is that over the course of multiple years, a meaningful and supportive partnership develops between families and the Montessori guides. A consistent community provides support that empowers our children and families.

Zone of Proximal Development 

The three-year cycles of Montessori mixed-age classrooms provide children with scaffolding to work in collaboration with a skilled teacher and more knowledgeable peers. Supportive learning environments allow children to make connections that they wouldn’t necessarily be able to make on their own. Psychologist Lev Vygotsky called this scaffolding the “zone of proximal development.” As children grow within their zone of proximal development, they develop more confidence and are able to practice new skills and abilities. They have social support through meaningful, purposeful interactions with others. 

As children solidify their learning and consolidate their knowledge, they experience new possibilities for growth in a family-like learning community. This mixed-age experience is an essential component of what we do and our three-year cycles make it possible.

See the benefits for yourself! Schedule a tour to get a first-hand glimpse of this three-year cycle in action.

What is Social Organization?

As humans, we develop as social beings in our communities, society, and culture. In fact, associating with others is a fundamental human tendency. Therefore, in Montessori education we prioritize social development, even (or especially) as children grow into adolescents.

At the adolescent level, young people are experiencing a bridge from childhood into adulthood. They no longer need and want to create little practice societies as they did in their elementary years. Instead, adolescents need and want to understand and experience adult-level roles and responsibilities. Adolescents therefore require new opportunities for independence and valorization, as well as opportunities to contribute in purposeful ways to their community. In Montessori, we call this social organization. 

In order to support this experience, Dr. Montessori envisioned an ideal setting where adolescents could live within as many aspects of society as possible. In her book, From Childhood to Adolescence, Dr. Montessori even outlines a road map for social organization at the adolescent level. In describing the practical aspects of social organization, Dr. Montessori suggests that adolescents live away from their families in a residential setting, preferably a farm that includes components such as a shop or store, a “museum of machinery," and a way to host others.

Residential Experience 

Developmentally, adolescents need to break away from their families. Having some sort of residential setting or away-from-home option allows adolescents to figure themselves out in new ways amongst different adults. In addition, a residential opportunity allows adolescents to live in a community and recognize the impact they have within and on their community. Even if a full residence isn’t possible, adolescents can prepare meals for each other, make sure the kitchen and tools are ready for the next meal, ensure the compost is taken out, clean the dining area, and so forth, all of which allow adolescents to experience how their work matters. 

This kind of experience is similar to how students in a Montessori primary or elementary environment become aware of how what they do in the classroom impacts others: if they run, are loud, or step onto someone’s work rug, that has an impact. Yet at the adolescent level, the experience of social organization needs to be in the context of real living. Adolescents need to step into adult-level roles. They need to coordinate lunch for their community or be the barn manager in charge of animal care. This also means they need to handle what happens if part of the work is left undone. 

Land-Based Opportunities

Another ideal aspect of adolescents’ social organization is being on a farm or working on the land, which offers adolescents the opportunity to experientially understand our agricultural roots as humans. To survive, humans have needed to grow, raise, and harvest our food. When working on the land, adolescents get the experience of what it means to care for other living things and how those living things provide human sustenance. There are big moral questions that come up in this process: what do to when an animal is sick, how to honor an animal that will be butchered for meat, or how to handle pests that are decimating crops. Farm life allows adolescents to grapple with challenging questions that are part of living in a society. 

Production & Exchange

Similarly, when operating a shop or store, adolescents get to experience the process of production and exchange as it works in society. They can labor to make sure a hive of bees is healthy and producing honey, and then determine how to package and market that honey to sell. Or they can create cutting boards in a wood shop and puzzle over how much to sell them for based on the cost of materials, the time for labor, and the value of their artistic work. They can harvest cucumbers and pickle them. They can create artwork for auction. They can harvest lettuce and wash it to prepare a salad for the community. Opportunities abound. 

This experience also offers adolescents the chance to understand interconnections and interdependencies. Many people have done a great deal of work so that we can enjoy each thing we eat, purchase, or enjoy! Through the process of production and exchange, adolescents can also begin to understand the role of monetary systems and how to budget, plan, save, invest, share, and be responsible with their earnings.

Hosting & Using Tools

Other ideal options for adolescents include a hostel or host experience and a “museum of machines.” In hosting, adolescents get to experience how to give back to others. For example, in making a meal for guests or providing a place for parents to stay for the night, adolescents must put others’ needs first, while also taking on new roles and responsibilities. 

Finally, Dr. Montessori’s “museum of machines” isn’t about having machines on display behind glass but rather means having many tools and machines available for adolescents to use, take apart, and repair. This collection of machines allows adolescents to learn and practice with tools that will help them on the land or farm, with their residential setting, in their shop, or with their hosting experience. Use of different tools of society helps adolescents learn skills and abilities that will serve them as capable adults.

Preparation for Adult Life

Preparation for adult life is a significant part of the adolescent experience. This isn’t preparation for a job, though! Rather preparation for adult life means that adolescents begin to understand the context for the human experience amongst other living things on earth, within the big picture of human progress, how we have used technology for the building up of civilization, and how each of us is a part and player in human history.

It is important to remember that adolescents are on their path to maturity. Social organization offers them the opportunity to step firmly onto the bridge from childhood to adulthood by living and experiencing aspects of what it means to be in society and the moral questions that arise as a result of being a human living amongst others in the web of life. In addition, social organization provides adolescents the chance to develop their own independence in the context of how we are all connected to each other. 

In our families, communities, or schools, let’s keep these ideal principles in mind as we support our adolescents. We also welcome you to visit our school to see how we prioritize social development!

Toilet Learning: The Montessori Way

As parents we quickly learn that children have control over three things: eating, sleeping, and toileting. Rather than engage in power struggles, however, we can help children develop the skills they need to manage and gain mastery over these essential aspects of life. 

In Montessori learning communities, young children learn how to prepare snack, fall asleep without assistance, and dress themselves. In addition, they learn how to control their sphincter and stay dry. This process, which we call “toilet learning" or “toilet awareness” takes time, yet it is a vital part of becoming independent.

Because we are helping children with an important aspect of their independence, we try to avoid the terminology of “toilet training.” After all, we aren’t training our children like we might train a dog! Rather we are helping children feel the success of becoming fully independent as they become masters of their own body functions. 

The process takes time but doesn’t have to feel daunting. Here are some key aspects of toileting the Montessori way.

Establish Body Awareness

Toilet awareness starts at birth. From the earliest days of life, we talk to our infants about what is happening as we change their diapers. We might say, “Your diaper is wet from your urine,” or “I am wiping your poop off your bottom.”

To help our infants become aware of being wet or soiled, it’s best to use cloth diapers. Disposable diapers are very effective at wicking away moisture, which leads to children not connecting the act of eliminating pee with the feeling of being wet. As children shift into toddlerhood, they can begin to wear cloth underwear.

Useful phrases:

• “Does your diaper feel wet or dry? Is there poop in your diaper?” 

• “Your underpants feel so heavy! You must have had a lot of pee come out.” 

• “I see you are squatting down and pushing. Your poop is coming!” 

Collaborate 

When a child is wet, we help them to the bathroom and collaborate with changing out of their wet underwear. We allow them to sit on the toilet to see if any urine is left that can be pushed or released into the toilet. Then once they have on dry underwear, they return to their activity.

Children need to feel involved in the toileting and changing process. They can assist in getting the clean underwear or diaper and putting any soiled items in their appropriate place. This gives children the feeling of some power or control in what is happening.

Useful phrases:

• “You can hold your shirt up while I pull down your pants.” 

• “You can open the Velcro on this side of your diaper and I’ll open the Velcro on that side.” 

• “I’ll have a turn to wipe your bottom, and then you can have a turn!”

State the Facts 

We are careful to stay matter of fact through the toileting process. Going to the toilet is a very natural thing to do, so we treat it as such. When children have wet or soiled their underpants or cloth diapers, we show them the dirty pair of underpants or diaper and where it should go. When appropriate we may even deposit feces from their underwear or diaper into the toilet. Children very quickly begin to associate and understand the process. Even when they begin to use the toilet successfully, we avoid clapping and celebrating and instead stick to the facts. 

Useful phrases:

• “Everyone poops!” 

• “Pee and poop go into the toilet.” 

• “It’s time to try sitting on the toilet.”

• “Your underpants are wet. Let’s change into some dry underpants. Do you remember where to find your dry underpants in the bathroom?” 

• “Look, there’s some pee on the floor. Please bring me the clean-up bucket from the bathroom so that we can dry the puddle.” 

Keep it Light and Friendly 

Children are very sensitive to adults’ emotions, even when we try not to show them! Thus we make sure to have a positive, light, and friendly attitude toward the toileting process. Our approach helps children feel comfortable with their normal bodily processes. So we make sure to avoid any facial expression, comment, or tone of voice that conveys disgust or dislike, frustration or impatience. We stay relaxed and positive, so children can feel that way too. 

Useful phrases:

• “We can always change into dry clothes!” 

• “Everyone used to wear diapers—even Mommy and Daddy! Now we can use the toilet. You can, too!” 

No Tricks or Treats 

We offer the toilet, but we never force children to sit on the toilet. We also avoid asking children if they would like to sit on the toilet. There is a happy middle in which we suggest that they sit on the toilet or let them know it is time to sit on the toilet. Ultimately, we trust that children will incorporate this part of daily life into their routine. Young children love the consistency of routines, so we ensure, from the very beginning, that toileting is a regular part of the day.

Bribing, reward charts, and punishments may have short-term results, but do not work for the long-term goal of helping children develop independence, self-assurance, and mastery of this essential part of their humanity. We allow children the time to be successful. Rather than scolding or over-congratulating, we know that children will learn through experience and feel proud of their accomplishments.

Useful phrases:

• “It’s time to sit on the toilet.”

• “You peed in the toilet. You did it all by yourself.”

Respect the Process 

Often when adults change children it is all done so quickly that children aren’t even aware of their bodily functions. Rather than rushing, we take time to explain what is happening and offer opportunities for collaboration. 

It’s showing the utmost respect to children when we help them learn how to do something for themselves. When children able to respond to their body’s needs, they are one step closer to being fully functioning, independent young people.

Art for Self-Expression

Numerous theories and lots of research expound upon the importance of artistic expression. For young children and adolescents, art is an especially crucial form of personal expression. As such, children need to experience their own process rather than to produce a piece that someone else wants. In Montessori, we also have sensitivity to different expressive needs throughout different stages of development. 

Process vs. Product

For young children, the process of making art is much more important than the product. When infants and toddlers are engaged in art activities, they are expressing feelings that they may not yet have words to express. Thus, during these early years, we focus on offering young children a variety of different artistic mediums.

When children are using different art materials, we first provide opportunities to work with larger spaces and then later move into the smaller more refined possibilities. For example, we start with painting at the easel, then as children develop more coordinated hand movements, we offer smaller paper or objects to paint.

Use of Tools

In addition to introducing different kinds of materials, we also show young children how to use different tools. We show how to use just a little water and the tip of the brush with watercolor paints. We explore different techniques with crayons. We introduce various tools–like knitting needles, crochet hooks, or looms–for fiber arts. Whatever the form of art, we offer the tools required for successful expression through that form.

We also open up a range of possibilities for children to explore. For example, in introducing clay, we show how to carefully get out the clay, how to use different techniques such as forming coils and slabs, how to cut, carve, or roll the clay, and how to store it when finished. We may also show examples of clay sculptures, whether in books or museums. With all of this information, children have a range of inspiration when they decide to work with clay. 

Adult Response

To support young children’s artistic expression, we offer objective comments: “Oh how interesting…the lines go up and down,” or “I can see you used a lot of red and blue paint today.” We want to be very careful with what we say so we don’t give any indication of judgment, either good or bad. Young children do not yet have the language to explain their art. Therefore, we want to make sure our comments don’t inadvertently create expectations for children.

In Montessori, adults don’t insist that children express themselves artistically, or tell children what to express. When children choose some form of artistic expression, adults allow them the freedom to be with themselves while in the process of creating art. With this in mind, children’s artwork is individual, creative, non-competitive, and often connected to other subjects. We don’t expect children to learn to imitate adult creations or turn out products that all look alike. 

Into the Elementary Years

From six to twelve, children began to use art in a more cognitive way. Often elementary-aged children began to want their artwork to be very realistic. They may focus more on the finer details of a particular piece of art rather than on the overall composition. As a result, children of this age can become discouraged if they feel their art “doesn’t look right.” Their determination is relentless. Because they will often insist upon realism, even at the risk of giving up on their artistic ability, we offer many different sub-skills to help children refine their techniques.

Art in a Montessori elementary classroom is often connected to students' intellectual pursuits. When studying Ancient Egypt, students may want to create a portrait in profile or a model of a pyramid. If they are immersed in learning about a country, they might learn about the symbolism of the flag’s colors and sew a sample flag.

All of this work is aided by the fact that children of this age love big projects. To support their artistic and intellectual pursuits, we provide elementary students with a kind of mini-studio so they can access the materials they need to create big projects and share their learning with their peers. 

Through Adolescence

During adolescence, young people need even more opportunities to form, shape, express, and clarify their inner thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Artistic expression can be a vital outlet during this turbulent time, and can allow adolescents to not only reach a better understanding of who they are but also to be able to connect deeply with others through shared expression.

Questions of identity and fitting in weigh heavily on adolescents. Without ample opportunities for expression, these already perplexing questions can fester. Adolescents need creative outlets to keep their spirits vibrant!

In addition, expressive opportunities allow adolescents to merge their emotions with their intellect. It’s best to have a variety of avenues for artistic expression: instruments readily available to pick up, an art studio to transfer complex feelings into visual art, or opportunities for dramatic interpretation of academic content. 

Vital Form of Expression

In Montessori, we feel strongly that young people need artistic outlets so they can have balance in their physical, emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual, and creative development. A Montessori environment supports the development of the whole person, thus allowing children to explore their personal creativity.  

Art is a vital form of expression throughout different stages of growth. Through art children can express what they are feeling, elementary-age students can integrate their learning and refine their skills, and adolescents can better understand themselves and their connections to others. Creating art can allow our young people to reveal feelings that they could perhaps not express in words. Thus, we offer children a variety of art mediums and different experiences, as well as the freedom to choose and experience the form they have chosen.

As always, we invite you to come to visit our school to see this artistic expression in action!