The First Six Years: Conquests of Independence

As caregivers and parents, we have a bit of a bittersweet role. While we want to keep our children close, we ultimately need to support their path toward independence. 

We expect dependence at the beginning. Yet our newborns take their very first step toward independence at birth. Once born, they have to breathe on their own. And rather than get nutrition through the umbilical cord, they use effort to begin latching on or suckling. 

Throughout their first six years of life, our children achieve so many milestones of independence. Let’s take a look at some of these conquests of independence. You can use this framework as a guide and reminder of how we can support our children as they grow and develop. 

Birth to One Year

• The first conquest of independence is birth which comes with the cutting of the umbilical cord. At this point, infants must breathe and gain nutrition on their own. Even our expression “It’s time to cut the cord” indicates the shift to increased independence.

• Movement is another acquisition of independence in the first year as children begin to use their arms and legs, sit up and crawl, and move from one place to another. With this increased locomotion children no longer need to be held or carried.

• Our children also begin to feed themselves. Even in the beginning when babies are nursing, we want them to indicate hunger. The weaning process and shift to using the weaning table supports this path to independence. As our children begin to eat and drink on their own, it is important to have foods and tools they can use independently (e.g. a shot glass for water, finger foods, etc.) rather than having an adult putting a utensil or bottle in their mouth. 

• Children can also start to practice basic use of utensils. Having utensils that are child-sized and functional is key to independent use. 

• In addition, our children need the opportunity to develop the ability to be by themselves. To become independent, they need to practice separating from their caregiver(s). Healthy separation depends upon healthy attachment, and our children need the chance to have some time without adult engagement.

• Around the end of the first year, children begin to develop language to communicate their needs. Prior to this time, they are able to use other methods to communicate: crying, cooing, smiling, etc. This communication is the beginning of social skills and children’s ability to relate socially to others.

One to Three Years

• During this time children can walk confidently and begin to run and climb. Once children can walk, they can begin the process of becoming independent in toileting. 

• They become more independent with the use of their hands, which become tools for exploration. Because of this, children no longer need to rely on others to hold and carry items.

• Language use allows children to begin to express themselves independently.

• Children can start to become independent in dressing themselves. 

• They begin to be able to use simple tools (crayons, sticks, cups, utensils, etc.).

• They become more capable of caring for their own personal hygiene (brushing their teeth, washing their face, brushing their hair, etc.).

• Children become more proficient with and capable of carrying their own items. 

• They have the capacity to clean up after themselves (putting away belongings, folding clothing, wiping spills, sweeping crumbs, etc.).

 As children get older, they need opportunities to develop their will. Thus, during this stage of independence, it is really important that children can make choices. Making a choice means they are acting for themselves and exercising their will.

From Three to Four and a Half

• If it hasn't happened already, children experience separation from the family (e.g. going to school). To be able to separate from one’s family is a new skill of independence. For children who haven’t been able to be by themselves, this is a harder process. During this time, children realize they can survive and trust others, which is a significant step in independence.

• Children develop a wider range of social skills.

• Children’s motor and visual skills become more developed and refined.

• They are able to engage in more games (e.g. catching and throwing a ball).

• They have finer manual dexterity (using individual fingers) as well as refined fine motor skills (when all fingers are working in unison).

• Children begin to develop the ability to use language to express their emotions. They can learn a multitude of words to be able to express feelings. 

• They can use utensils and tools to prepare their own food (which ideally happens prior to age three). Research shows that children involved in preparing their own food are more likely to try diverse foods.

• Children learn to master fasteners (zippers, buckles, bows, etc.) and thus the self-care involved with dressing and undressing.

• They can contribute to their community and care not only for themselves but also for the environment through simple responsibilities like setting the table, folding towels, etc.

• They are more independent in caring for their own hygiene needs.

• Because their vocabulary is expanding, children can use words to express emotions, as well as to better express their thoughts.

Four and a Half to Six

• Children have more social independence and can not only do for themselves but can also use acquired skills to help others.

• They become more independent in their social skills so they can internalize and apply the social norms of their community (e.g. pushing in chairs, greeting visitors, communicating that they need space, etc.).

• Children become proficient in dressing themselves and can help younger peers with the dressing and undressing process (e.g. getting dressed for going outdoors).

• They acquire the capacity to have empathy and compassion.

• They have a basic understanding of quantities and how they are represented, instead of just mimicking or rote counting.

• Children begin to recognize and use the symbols of our language (e.g. expressing themselves through writing or interpreting the thoughts of others through reading).

These conquests of independence are ultimately about becoming functionally independent. Young children are in a process of mastering different aspects of their lives and they need us, their caregivers, to support them in this process. 

Our children are so capable and they benefit when allowed to move toward increasing independence. If you’d like to see how our Montessori environments set children up for success, please schedule a tour!

Pandemic Impacts on Older Kids and Teens

While there has been a certain amount of awareness of how COVID has impacted young children, we thought it would be helpful to shift our attention toward those in their elementary and adolescent years. While the impacts may manifest differently, those in the middle of their school years also experienced considerable disruptions from COVID. From increased anxiety and physicality to challenges in social interactions and work engagement, elementary-aged children and adolescents are facing their own share of struggles.

Social Development

Those who experienced the start of the pandemic during their elementary and early adolescent years were at home during a time when developmentally they needed to connect with peers and figure out their social identity. It’s during this time that our kids develop their own sense of individuality within the context of community. This interplay amongst peers allows older children to both develop their ability to communicate with others while processing how their individual actions impact those around them. The result? Our young people begin to learn how to practice empathy for others while also advocating for themselves.

During the locks-downs and distancing from COVID, many children missed out on key formative experiences, like how to join a group, how to invite others into a group, and even how to have positive conversations. Without some of these skills, navigating social situations, especially those that involve more than one other person, can be trickier. 

Even children’s awareness of others’ physical space has been impacted, perhaps due to maintaining six feet of distance or even having more time in close proximity to screens. As children have been able to be together again, the boundary line of what is too close or what is too physical is something they are having to discover. 

Direct instruction and guided practice can help. Elementary-age children love to role-play, so even acting out different scenarios can be beneficial. To foster developing friendships and healthy peer interactions, have conversations with your children and teens about the qualities of a good friend and how to be a good friend to others.

Regulating Emotions & Managing Anxiety

During the elementary time period, our children are developing their emotional skills, which provide an important base before young people enter their more tumultuous adolescent years. Major emotional skills mastered during this stage include how to adjust to different rules and social norms for behavior, understand others’ feelings, acquire more control and management of emotions, and develop strategies for patience and general adaptability.

In addition to not having as much opportunity to flex these social-emotional muscles, so much was outside of our children’s control during the early COVID years. As a result, more young people have developed increased anxiety, which can manifest in a multitude of ways.

For some children, just the transition into the school building and away from parents or caregivers can cause anxiety to flare up. For others, trying to figure out how to interact with peers in-person can be anxiety-provoking. 

To help, we can focus on communication and collaboration. This can range from recognizing and discussing emotions when children are calm, to remaining open and empathetic when strong emotions surface. It’s essential that, as adults, we model emotional regulation so our young people can see how we use coping strategies, like taking deep breaths or stepping away from a situation, rather than just reacting.

We can also be sure to address our kids’ behavior rather than their emotions. This helps young people understand the distinction between their feelings and their actions. For example, if someone feels angry, that is just a feeling, which is neither good nor bad. However, if someone acts on that feeling by hitting another person, the behavior of hitting is unacceptable. When we handle disciplinary situations, our responses can help our kids begin to internalize that it is okay to experience a range of emotions and that they have choices and limits in terms of how they behave. 

Involving our children in the conversation is essential. They might need help voicing or expressing their emotions and anxieties so worries don’t stay hidden inside where they can easily proliferate. Most importantly, we need to help ensure that children don’t keep avoiding whatever is causing them stress or anxiety.

Getting Back Into the Rhythm

Healthy routines are important for older children and teens, who need structure and predictability to offset the stress associated with the changes they begin to experience in their social lives, their bodies, and even their emotional experiences. With all the disruptions of the pandemic, we need to be especially sensitive to the importance of following through and following up. Our children need us, as adults, to hold consistent, firm, and kind boundaries, so that they can feel secure and settled. 

From regular sleep and predictable mornings to completing chores and finishing assignments, routines can be the guide. With older children and teens, we also need to engage in respectful, curious conversations about what causes them to feel stressed, tired, or overwhelmed. Ideally, we are encouraging our young people to take an active role in planning routines that will help them manage themselves better. If we brainstorm with our kids and write down the plan together, we can more easily revisit what is going well and what might need to be modified. Also be sure to celebrate the wins and compassionately communicate if something isn’t working well.

Above all, our young people need our patience and understanding. This requires us, as adults, to practice our own mindfulness and grounding so we can be present and supportive. If concerns arise, we can work in harmony to compassionately identify possible problems and strategize practical solutions. 

To see how we support students' emotional regulation, social development, and intellectual engagement, come visit our school. We love to share what we do!

Observation to Instruction

Do you see your child throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap? Maybe leaving things out on the kitchen table? Interrupting during mealtime?

It’s so tempting in these moments to jump in, perhaps correcting or reminding (often for what seems like the umpteenth time). 

One of the keys to a Montessori approach is taking the time to observe what is happening, noting what you see, and waiting for an opportune time to teach what to do rather than what not to do.

Supporting Undeveloped Skills

For example, a Montessori teacher saw that a child new to the classroom was regularly cutting to the front of the line as children prepared to wash their hands. Other children were getting quite upset with this young friend’s tactics to get to the front of the line. 

Instead of reprimanding the child, the Montessori teacher observed that he wasn’t acting maliciously. He just seemed to not yet have or know the skills to line up successfully. At a quiet moment, the teacher connected with the young boy and let him know that when there is a line, we just go to the end of where the line is forming. Grateful for this information on social graces, the child then happily started going to the end of the lines. It turns out the child just didn’t know the expectations!

It can be so tempting to jump in when we see something happening that we don’t like. Yet as long as children aren’t hurting others, their surroundings, or themself, we practice observing and determining what children still need to learn to be successful. 

Observation is Key

The heart of the Montessori method is learning how to observe children in an objective and meaningful way. Adults learn how to look rather than merely see. In order to look without judgment, expectation, or preference, adults work on developing a deep inner awareness. This requires that we observe to understand rather than see something and jump to conclusions. 

Thus Montessori education is focused on the natural emergence of young humans at their own pace. The role of adults is to prepare the environment and support children in their optimal development. In order to do this, we have to become constructive observers. We focus on waiting and observing, rather than intervening right away.

How This Can Work at Home

This is something that we can try at home, too. Perhaps your child is throwing their clothes on the floor in a heap. Rather than scold or lecture in the moment, try taking a deep breath and making yourself a little note to remember to circle back to the undeveloped skill. Later, when everyone is relaxed and content, take the time to connect with your child. Let them know you want to show them how to either put their clothes in the laundry basket or fold and store them for later use. Practice these options together. Finally, thank your child for taking the time with you to learn this skill. 

Or perhaps you can go over the steps to loading dishes in the dishwasher. Or how to wait for a pause in the conversation. The trick is to observe for the need and wait to give instructions. Children want to do well. Often they just need us to observe, pause, and later take the time to show them how to be successful. 

This doesn’t mean that our children will always remember how to do what we’ve shown. Sometimes they’ll need a smile and a gentle reminder. Sometimes they’ll need us to cycle back and demonstrate something again. The key is remembering to observe, rather than reacting in the moment. 

The Montessori Approach

Through observation, Dr. Maria Montessori discovered how children’s character is formed through experiences in the environment, how children adapt to their culture, and how children have sensitive periods for acquiring all sorts of important skills. 

Observation allows us to provide children with opportunities to become competent and capable. Come observe this for yourself! Schedule a tour today!

Caring for Community

Part of being part of a community is participating in the daily routines to care for our surroundings. In Montessori, we provide numerous ways for children to participate as community members. 

Children love being able to help care for their environment through real and meaningful activities. In the process of helping maintain and care for their classroom and school, children develop a sense of belonging. They begin to feel at home.

Laying the Groundwork

In order for children to be successful in this process of caring for their surroundings, adults do a lot of behind-the-scenes preparation. We make sure we have materials ready that are both real and child-sized. Because young children learn from (and love!) repetition, we also want children to be able to continue working with the materials as long as they desire. This might mean having just the right amount of polish for cleaning the mirrors, or vases for arranging fresh cut flowers, or cloths for wiping the tables.

Real Outcomes

The activities we provide in Montessori environments are real work, rather than something to keep children busy. As such, the outcome of the activities must be clear and necessary. If the plants need water, children can water the plants. If the floor is wet, children can mop the floor. If a table is dirty, children can scrub the table. 

Because our young people are learning how they can have an impact on their environment, adults work hard to not redo what children just did. Thus, if the table is still dirty, the adults leave it as is. Perhaps later another child can be invited to clean the table, but the adults refrain from swooping in and cleaning the table afterward.

Types of Activities

In order to determine appropriate care of the environment activities for the classroom, we observe children and also consider what practical maintenance needs to happen each day. If there is an easel with paint, we create a material for washing the easel. If there is an easel with chalk, we offer an activity for washing the chalkboard.

The specific kinds of activities depend upon community norms, the greater culture, the climate, and even the length of the day. Regardless of these variables, the activities always have an intelligent purpose and are part of the everyday, regular part of what happens in the community.

Individual Satisfaction to Community Impact

At first, children will pursue the activities for their own satisfaction. They will clean a table to enjoy the process of creating soapy bubbles and wiping them off the table. Later they will realize how they are caring for the environment in ways that benefit everyone. They will want to scrub a table because they see it is dirty and they want it to be clean. This realization causes children great joy. They love to contribute to the greater good! 

To help children develop this awareness and sense of belonging, it is nice to acknowledge something a child has done that day to contribute to the community. However, we must tread lightly in this process so that children maintain a sense of doing the activity for themselves and the community, rather than for adult praise.

Responsibility 

Ultimately, care of the environment activities help children learn how to be responsible for their actions.  If a plant needs to be watered, and it isn’t watered, eventually the plant will die. We can offer children the opportunity to water the plant, but if no one is willing, there is a tangible and natural consequence. Children learn that their actions matter and they take great pride in being capable contributors. 

Presentation 

Before presenting these practical life activities, we work carefully as adults to practice the steps, ensure that the activity makes sense, analyze our movements, and be confident that the presentation flows. Once we create the activity, practice it, and present it, we step back and observe children working with the materials. In the process of observation, we ask questions like: Is this activity working? Do I need to change anything? Do I need to change some of the steps? Do I need to take out unnecessary steps? Does the activity need to be removed?

Ultimately though, children will observe what is essential in the activity and make it their own unique process. As children internalize the procedure, they will start to realize how capable they are. They will put their whole focus into the work and experience great satisfaction in the process of engaging with meaningful work in the community. They will develop a strong sense of belonging, and ultimately flourish into their fullest self.

Support at Home

As parents, we are often curious about how we can support our children’s Montessori experience at home. One of the best ways is to create care of the environment routines and activities at home. Children can clean up their toys at the end of the day, set the table for dinner, or put dirty clothes in the laundry basket. We don’t need elaborate preparation, but rather carefully selected items or furniture: special shelves for toys, a low shelf or drawer prepared with items for setting the table, or a basket in the room for laundry. 

Taking a little time to think through the steps involved and what children will need to be successful goes a long way. As adults, we move through daily activities without having to think about what we are doing. Young children, though, are learning how to master their movements. Thus, when we are presenting how to do something, our children need us to slow down and really isolate each step of the process. 

Significance and Belonging

For children, learning how to care for their surroundings is a remarkable gift. Through this meaningful work, children develop a strong sense of belonging and significance. They see how their contribution matters. Come visit our school to see how even our youngest children care for their community and develop personal purpose!

The Significance of Food

Throughout history, human survival has depended upon finding, preparing, and consuming different kinds of food. It is certainly understandable why food is a central part of our lives!

In Montessori, we recognize that food plays a bigger role in our young humans’ development. While nutrition is key, food also represents so much more! Therefore, we offer children the opportunity to use food as a way to develop a richer understanding of the world, master abilities to function independently, and develop a rich language for communication.

Understanding the World

As children develop their relationship with food, it’s important that they get to experience food in its natural state rather than only prepackaged. During the sensitive period for refining their senses, young children need to be able to explore their food sensorially so they can experience the taste, texture, smell, appearance (uncooked and cooked), and even any sound food might make.

In Montessori environments, we offer children opportunities to see and taste fresh foods, and even experience creating homemade breads and soups. Rather than opening a can or package, we start with natural raw ingredients and let the children put all the pieces together so they can see the steps involved in making different foods.

Whenever possible, we also try to give children meaningful connections to nature and its bounty, including when foods are in season. It’s a bonus when we can have fruits, vegetables, and herbs growing in planters or in the outdoor environment! Our goal is for children to develop a connection to food and its growth cycle throughout the year. In the process, children can learn about the parts of plants we eat: leaves, stems, roots, seeds, and flowers.

As children get older, they become more involved with the production and exchange aspects of food, from purchasing ingredients to preparing whole meals for others.

Mastering Abilities & Movement

When children are preparing food, we start with basic skills such as cutting, dicing, peeling, grating, and juicing. As children gain more dexterity and skill, like holding and using a knife, we move toward teaching more complex skills, such as how to prepare the ingredients when following a recipe, or how to operate kitchen appliances such as toasters, openers, coffee makers, juicers, mixers, etc.

Whether using simple or complex equipment, children need items that they can learn to manage on their own. As such, we provide kitchen items that are sized appropriately. So children can master their movements and abilities, the kitchen tools must work for children and not cause unnecessary obstacles. Through plenty of repetition with food preparation and the varied kinds of tools involved, children begin to coordinate their movements and refine their skills.

Developing Language

While children are working with food preparation activities, adults take care to use precise terminology to name the ingredients, materials, and actions involved. When we do this, we help increase and expand children’s language and more permanently fix the concepts in their memory.

Table setting also offers a wonderful opportunity for language development. For the youngest children, we can say, “We need four plates.” Then together the adults and children can count to four. While our youngest children may not have an idea of the concept, they will set the plates one to one and lay the foundation for future math work. Table setting can also be an indirect lesson about prepositions. In a very natural way, we can ask children to put the spoon next to the plate, or to the right of the plate, or a napkin on top of the plate. The word “preposition” is never spoken but the experience gives children exposure to the concept of the function of a preposition in a sentence. 

As children get older, we can introduce more complex language and also offer opportunities for them to interpret recipes, write their own instructional steps, and even tap into the expressive creativity involved with food preparation and presentation. 

Cultural Importance

Where we live in the world dictates how and what we eat. Different cultures have disparate expectations about cooking or consuming. Yet in all cultural groups, people have explored and experimented with food. This makes sense, of course. People have needed to know what they can eat, if food needs to be cooked to be edible, how foods can be combined, and how our bodies might react to particular foods or food combinations. 

Food also plays a key role in rituals and customs, from people coming together socially to religious ceremonies to relying on food for medical purposes. All cultures have some kind of beliefs about both the significance of food and different foods’ ability to make our bodies feel better or worse.

With all of the cultural richness woven into food, bringing in family traditions, customs, favorite recipes, and rituals around food can enhance the classroom community’s experience and provide a culturally responsive school-family partnership.

Food preparation is an essential part of our learning communities and a significant part of our children’s development. Please schedule a time to visit the school, see this work for yourself, and perhaps even share a bit about your own culinary traditions!

Going Out: An Expansive Elementary

At the elementary level, children want to know the how and why of everything. As a result, they have a strong drive to explore the world beyond their immediate family and even their classroom or school. New interests compel elementary-age children to explore anywhere and everywhere! Plus, they are creating their ability to function in society. In order to achieve this, our elementary children need to acquire new skills.

One of the ways Montessori elementary programs help six- to twelve-year-olds develop these new skills is through something called “going out.” Dr. Maria Montessori developed the idea of “going out” both literally and figuratively. She recognized how, developmentally, elementary-age children needed to go out the door of the classroom and that the door should open into the wider world.

What is Going Out?

Imagine that a group of two, three, or four children have been studying something in the classroom. They have exhausted all of the resources in the class or school library and are eager to learn more. For example, a group of children may have learned about falcons. They want to interview a falconer and see some falcons up close. Or maybe a couple of students have been interested in mice, so they visit the local pet store to learn about the care of rodents. Students who just researched the Titanic may discover a nearby museum with a display about the Titanic, so they arrange a visit. Children learning about a period in history might visit a local theater’s costume shop to find clothing from that time period and recreate what someone would wear. The options are endless. 

Purposes of Going Out

This small group experience serves elementary children’s need for independence, collaboration, and experience. They need new opportunities for intellectual stimulation. They are curious to learn more. They want to learn everything about the universe and the universe won’t fit into our classrooms!

In addition, elementary children need to be social and collaborate. In preparing for a “going out” experience, students get to work together in an authentic and meaningful way. In the classroom, they share resources, make group decisions, delegate and divide labor, take responsibility, and celebrate each other’s success. Inevitably conflict can arise and can be a necessary and important part of their work. With support, children practice respectful problem-solving. So with all this practice, they are ready to apply these skills outside of the classroom through their “going out” experiences. 

“Going out” trips also require a new level of self-discipline. Children must make decisions and take action. In order to have a successful outing, they have to organize their thinking, themselves, and each other. They also must demonstrate a high level of responsibility, as individuals and as a group.

Different than a Field Trip

Although field trips are important and delightful, they are quite different than the “going out” experience. Field trips involve the entire class and are often planned and executed by an adult. The “going out” trip, however, involves a small group of children who want to learn more about something they are studying or investigating. Those children are then responsible for all of the logistics of the “going out” trip. The outing is conceived, planned, organized, and carried out by this small group of children who have a mission to learn more.

The responsibility for setting up a “going out” experience can require a variety of skills ranging from letter writing, sending emails, filling out forms, making appointments, finding transportation, reading schedules, budgeting for the day, making a phone call, speaking to different kinds of people, using electronics respectfully, packing supplies, confirming appointments, and following up with acknowledgments or thanks. 

Sometimes children may need little mini-lessons about particular forms of decorum related to their “going out” — how to enter a theater, how to conduct an interview, how to write a thank you note, how to show you are listening, how to pay an admissions fee, etc. These are all vital skills that help our children prepare for how they will enter society.

A Community Effort

A successful “going out” program requires the support of the whole school community and the community at large. Sometimes parents or school staff offer to transport children. Being a “going out” driver is very different than being a field trip chaperone. A “going out” driver relies upon the children to share the directions, where to park, and what to do. If the children have neglected to check the hours of the place they are visiting, and they arrive to find the doors locked, the driver merely waits for instructions from the children about what to do next. This requires a great deal of adult self-restraint and an understanding of the aims of the program! 

The children take on the challenge and expectation of what is expected. They want to be capable and they want to know what successful entry into society requires. When they find out what the rules are, they feel more secure in the world. Over time, as children develop connections and relationships out in the greater community, they also pave the way for future “going out” trips.

Support at Home

The spirit of “going out” can be supported at home, too! Think about the various activities that happen in our daily routines and how our children can take on some ownership or responsibility. For example, going to the grocery store can become its own “going out” experience. Part of the planning and preparation can involve sitting with our children to peruse the weekly sale flier to map out some menus for the week ahead. Children can make a list of what to buy and even estimate how much it will cost or try to work within a predetermined budget. Before leaving for the store, they can gather what is needed: reusable bags, the shopping list, snacks so no one shops hungry, etc. Or perhaps a recent weekend hike sparks curiosity about a particular subject, like rock slides or mushrooms. Children can find out the hours of the local library, talk with the librarian about their interests, and initiate the process of checking out or requesting some resources.

Elementary children are capable of so much, physically and mentally. Thus, we want to acknowledge their potential and offer keys for our children to unlock new experiences and step into the wonderful world beyond the school. The best part? Not only does the “going out” experience meet elementary students’ developmental needs, it also promotes a future full of good citizenship and responsible community members.

To see this work in action, please schedule a tour!